For my beyond the class I went to the Holocaust museum in Richmond, it was really nice, I got to hear some stories about the people who survived the holocaust, and I got to see some rather disturbing photos It was very informative to say the least, I think it was a really good idea to build a museum dedicated to something such as the holocaust for people my age, and in my generation who maybe don't understand what happened. It was a very interactive tour, you will leave with a very good idea of what the people who experienced the holocaust had to go through, i'll be going back soon and I plan to take a couple friends.

so I decided the other day that I was going to start recording my everyday life with a camera, the good day, the bad days, every sad moment, every happy I moment I want it all to be on camera and recorded. I've already started recording and watching the videos and so far it looks like a great idea I just cant wait to start putting my videos up on the computer and maybe start a blog or something creative like that, I havent' quite figured out what I want to do with the videos but i'm sure i'll figure it out soon.

The end of the semester is coming and I was supposed to be transferring to another school but it looks like things have changed, and after this semester ends I have really no idea what i'm going to do think i'm going to get another job and just work all the time and pretend like my life isn't wasting away, isn't that terrible? oh well it is what it is I guess.

it tis' official

so i've finally made it official, this semester will be my last semester at bland and i can't say i'm upset about it. i'm planning to transfer to another school, that's still a two-year but more dedicated to what i want to do which is massage therapy, i've done a good three semesters here and my feelings about this school haven't changed at all and instead of me completely dropping out of school and doing nothing, hopefully this is something that works out for me and something i'll actually enjoy i'd hate to have wasted my time again and not to mention more money. However if things do work out, and i end up completing the program and finding a job i'll be able to move out of my moms house and live on my own, i'll have an actual career helping people and i can finally get my life together and not be a bum. Ever since i decided that college really isn't for me i've had the worse fear that i'd drop out, disappointing everyone around me, never figuring out what i want to do with my life and ultimately becoming a bum, that' why with this i plan to put my 100% all, no slacking and procrastinating like i always do, i have to secede no matter what.

Plane crash

so about a month ago a Malaysian plane "mysteriously" went missing how a giant plane, carrying live people just goes missing blows my mind but I guess in today's world things like that just happen now all of sudden they "believe" the plane crashed somewhere in the Indian ocean. This is just like when 9/11 happened there were so many unanswered questions that no government officials either had the answer for or just didn't plain answer, people who if you did research outside of what the news said people who did have things to say about it just disappeared. How does a plane disappear? like there aren't any radars, satellites they can look at, it just disappeared. Either the plane got high jacked or this is another one of the governments lovely ideas to just kill a bunch of random people for no reason, I understand things happen mechanical problems happen all the time but the fact is if it was something like that, isn't there like control towers the plane can get in touch with some type of mayday they could have sent out SOMETHING, I refuse to believe a plane can just disappear into thin air, no one knows what happened and all of sudden they just say it landed in the ocean case closed. Now all of these families have to deal with the loss of their family members, and all of their questions have to go unanswered something is extremely fishy about the situation and I really hope they find out what really happened.

So the end of the semester is coming quicker than I thought it would, and we've had so many snow days and been out of school so many times I honestly don't feel like I've done anything or learned anything. Every time one of my teachers announces that we have a test coming up, I look lost like so what could we possibly be tested on if we haven't been here, this has the been the worst semester I've ever had not because of grades wise, but actual learning wise. Mother nature has not been on our side this semester, one day it's a nice spring 70 degree day and then by the end of the week I have to pull out my ice scraper and snow boots because we have a snow storm.
Right now i'm sitting in class talking about how easy it is to get distracted from getting things done that you don't want to do, and here I am trying to finish this blog and I can't even concentrate, i'm on my phone, talking to people around me, looking around the room, maybe I have ADD or something lol oh well time to go

1st accident

So the other day I was coming from shopping with my boyfriend, we we're on the way home when BOOM we got into an accident. The person in front of me stopped short causing me to stop and when I looked in my rear view mirror all I could see was this silver car coming towards us and before I could even breath "bam" hit us then I heard another bang and we got hit again, apparently a truck hit the car that hit us causing it to hit us again, all I could do was cry. I didn't know what to do, how to react I honestly wanted to get out and bash all of their faces in and cuss them out but my boyfriend just kept telling me I need to calm down, everything's okay. luckily it wasn't much damage done to my car despite how hard we got hit, the bumper is hanging my trunk is jammed and my back door won't close all the way, but I still have my life so i'm grateful. Now whenever I drive i'm paranoid I think everyone that gets behind me is going to hit me, I keep picturing the crash in my head. I feel bad because the person responsible for the accident that was in front of me got to drive off as if nothing happened and the driver of the truck that hit the person behind me was held responsible and has to pay which isn't right but....someone had to take the blame, All I know is I defiantly don't ever want to be involved in another accident especially not with me being the driver.

music & illuminati

I was on facebook the other day and happened to come across a video of famous musicians talking about this thing that has so many people concerned, this so called "illuminati". Known as some type of secret society no one knows about that is full of evil and no good, they talked about how you'll only reach a certain level of being famous before you have to "sacrifice" or "walk through a door" and once you crossover there's no going back. At first most people brush it off as being stupid or something some crazy people made up but is it really stupid or is it stupid because it makes sense? How many songs have you heard by artists that are well known and popular claiming to have "sold their soul to the devil", or songs that were claimed to have some type of hidden demonic message behind them? Plenty of these musicians start out seeming to have their head on the right path, making good music sticking to their morals and all of a sudden things change, I've heard of plenty of times the label they're under wanting to make a change to their image to gain more fans to the fan base, but the way they're going about it just doesn't seem....well normal. Justin Beiber, Miley cyrus, chris brown, just a few examples of people who start out good but end up going down the complete wrong path. It's very easy to blame their behavior on the misuse of drugs and alcohol, or having to much money and to much free time but any mention of the illuminati leaves you with unanswered questions, why? why does it have to be so secretive and what would happen if the illuminati does exist and everyone finds out about it?.......

superbowl 9/11 crasher

So the other day when I decided to watch TV, which I very rarely do anymore I saw that during a press conference I think that was following the superbowl a man ran up on the stage, grabbed the microphone, and said "something about 9/11 being perpetrated by someone within our government. Ever since 9/11 happened people have been searching for the answer as to why it happened and who was behind it and you would think being that it's been 12 years now everything would be figured out, but it's not, and we still know nothing.


No one really knows what happened that day but we also don't know what goes on in our own government, the people that are the head of us, and are in charge of keeping us as a nation together keep secrets from us, it's like a secret society that's almost impossible to get into and you're either with it or against it. The people who control our food supply and the food being supplied, they control the money spending and are to blamed for the huge amount of debt we're swimming in, they control almost every important aspect of our lives yet we barely have any say so, we have no control so why wouldn't someone believe they set up a conspiracy such as this one because they knew they could get away with it, all we know is they blamed it on someone from a country we were "at war" with spent years "looking" for him, then found him out the blue, killed him and the war is suddenly over. Life goes on for the families affected by 9/11 their questions probably will never be answered and we're stuck with the fact that someone caused so much destruction but that someone will never be identified. Excuse my rant I just thought this was an interesting topic for the week btw that game was terrible I heard the most embarrassing superbowl game ever played.....lol how sad.

yellow wallpaper

So today in class we learned about a story called "The yellow wallpaper" I think that's what it's called but anyway, the story was about this couple that moved into a house together, the husband thinks his wife is "sick" so he locks her up in this room away from everyone including their baby, and she starts to obsess about the wallpaper, saying she see's a women or women and the only way to free herself is by ripping the wallpaper off of the wall, by the end of the story it is suggested that either a) she hung herself and when her husband discovered her he fainted and her spirit floated over him constantly or b) he discovered her ripping the wallpaper off of the wall, fainted and she stepped over him repeatedly still ripping the paper off the wall. Either way the story ended with a type of cliffhanger not really giving the reader any extra info just kind of letting the imagination run wild, although stories like this are easy to talk about in class or write an essay giving different ending ideas, I would have liked to know what the story really was about.

first week

So I completed my first year of college and surprisingly i'm back for another. I say surprisingly because I didn't think i'd be coming back I still feel negatively about school and if I were told I had to encourage kids to want to come I would probably either tell them to find a job and work the rest of their life or just don't go but i'm slowly learning how to tolerate it and level out my hate and try to at least like it a little. This semester and hopefully the one after will fly by so I can transfer to a four year, and probably hate that too. I'm just ready to get these first two years out of the way so I can get through all the boring stuff and get to the main reason why i'm in school, it's so many things I want to major in I really don't know where to start, like fashion, and sometimes culinary arts, but mainly sociology none of them have anything to do with the other but i'm weird like that so oh well.

Beyond class

a couple of weeks ago i went to see the movie "Best mans holiday", The movie was a sequel to the original movie "The best man" about a group of friends spending christmas together, things quickly go from fun to hectic when one of the friends reveals that she has cancer, and probably won't live very long. The movie was filled with alot of happy & sad moments but the message was clear, enjoy life and live for today because tomorrow is definalty not promised, and also value those that are close to you because you never know when youre going to need someone to be there for you.

end of le semester.

 So it's the end of the semester and in one of my classes we had to do basically a self-evaluation essay, and for that class I gave myself a 5 but if I had to rate myself based off of how I did in all my classes I'd say a 3. Last semester I didn't do to good and almost lost my financial aid and I promised myself that this semester would be different, and it was in a way I did worst this time around. In the beginning I was so ready and determined do to great things, and then when I felt that it wasn't paying off, I kind of gave up having an "it is what it is" type attitude and that most likely made everything worst. I hate school with a passion and me saying that probably won't make anything better but it's the truth, I come to school with the same thoughts everyday that this just isn't for me, and the only reason I'm here is to make everyone else happy, and keep them off my back, but it just seems like it's getting harder and harder to deal and I don't even know what to do. I guess ill just have to make the same promise I made to myself at the end of last semester that next semester will be different, even though I have the same feeling inside that it won't.

-__-

Why is it that the entire male race is so......how do I put this lightly, not smart. I went out this weekend with a guy at first he seemed so nice, the perfect gentleman at first, we went to the movies and it was good but then when it came time for us to leave & find something else to do he suggested we just hang out for a little while, being that he paid for us both to see the movie, I figured the least I could do was hang out with him. So we go back to his grandparents house and we're watching tv, and he begins to be all over me trying to cuddle and kiss me and I really wasn't interested and I thought I was making it very clear by moving away from him, being in my phone, looking away, and he just didn't get the picture so after psychically pushing him away telling him no a couple of times, he finally moved. But the reason why I was so uncomfortable, was the fact that first we made it clear from the beginning we we're just friends, and if you can see that i'm not really interested in or on the same page as you, I shouldn't have to keep explaining or telling you no. I don't think i'll be going on any dates anytime soon, someone needs to help these "little boys" get their mind right when it comes to us women because they're not making it.

Music

when life starts to get a little hectic, bad things start happening you start stressing all the time, i'm sure there is at least one thing that puts your mind at rest, and help you get through whatever it is that you're going through, mine is music. I love music with a passion, it's always been there, for me it's kind of like that one person that no matter how you feel towards them, or people in general they will always makes things better. NO matter if i'm angry, sad, nervous, whatever music will always set my mind ease, i'll forget about all problems while the music is playing, nothing can compare to how music makes feel. it's gotten me through some pretty tough times when I honestly had no idea how I was going to make it through the next day.. sorry for my early morning rant about music this is only slightly it I just have to go to class now, lol k bye.

I don't really have specific topic this week, so i'm just going to rant. I have terrible luck, with everything. Everything that can go bad, does, and i'm always surrounded by people telling me "Oh you should be positive", or " think about all the positive things in life" but if there aren't anything but negative things going on.........what am I really supposed to go off? It's really hard to find a happy place these days, when you have no idea where to look. I guess i'm just looking for a way to be prosperous....I wish I had an a book of instructions for life.

Abuse, and stepchildren.

This past week there was this Football player who lost his son due to psychical abuse by his ex-girlfriends boyfriend let that sink in......
and I cant help but think first off, why would the boyfriend have any type of authority to put his hands on this man child in the first place? I feel like if you're not the mother, or father the only people that should be able to discipline your child psychically should be the immediate family and no one else. Another question I still have no answer for is, who would want to beat a child to death? it's hard to imagine this being an accident because the little boy was two, what could he have done to deserve such beating even if it was just a simple "whoppin" gone wrong. The man responsible for the death of the child will most likely go to jail and deserve any type punishment he receives, but the man who's child was killed will never get him back, jail is terrible no doubt about it, but I don't feel like in this case it's enough, killing a child if not proven to be an accident should be punished with automatic death, children don't ask to be here, as well as ask to be taken away and to think there are people out here sick enough to want to harm them, blows my mind. The mother should receive some type of consequence as well for letting this man around the child, unless both parents knew and were comfortable with this man, the child should have never been left alone with him in the first place.

Gender stereotypes

it always bothers me when people compare male's and female's because usually the male has the upper hand and is usually made out to be the better person when really there the cause of any type of drama that transpires. like a women will stick with a guy through so much take care of him, cater to him, put up with him even when she isn't happy, and leave him when he cheats with other women, and he will still be "the man". Where as a man will stick around, treat a girl like she's an option, and then as soon as she makes one mistake, like show some time to someone else he leaves her, and she's labeled a "hoe" and all types of other disrespectful things. I dont understand why things are different just because the gender changes, the stipulations should apply to everyone no matter the circumstances.

Love.

does real love exist? is there really someone for everyone? most people when you ask them about love, they'll tell you that you'll just know you'll feel it, but most of the time when you think it's love its just lust, youll be infatuated with the person for some time but eventually the feelings will change, you'll lose interest or whatever the person is offering might not interest you anymore. That can't be love because love is forever right? at least that's what people who get married think, but divorce rates say otherwise now a days so who knows. Im beginning to think its just a figment of our imagination, like the only people who will tell you they love you and actually mean it will be family members, and half the time not even them. I think instead of people telling each other "I love you" they should just say "I lust you" so that way no one get's their hopes up and believes that theres something there when in reality it probably isn't. Excuse my late afternoon ventation i just needed to clear my mind :)

i've always wondered why people in relationships cheat, and when they do cheat try to have a legitmate excuse as to why they did it. Like they'll be in the relationship but as soon as something happens that they're not cool or comfortable with, they go outside of the relationship & deal with someone else, like the excuse they use will some how change the fact or make it a little less bearable. At the end of the day if your're not comfortable then you can 1) let the other person know that your unhappy or 2) if it's that bad you can leave the situation all together, cheating to me is never justifiable. I do believe in 2nd chances but something like that to me is just not something you can just brush off or kick under the rug.

Embrace My individuality.

I was often under the impression that we lived in new times, the 20th century the "creative period" but I'm often discouraged by the looks and words of those that are so called so open to originality. As soon as someone See's that you're doing something different, and staying in your own lane the judgement begins. 'You're stuck up", "You think you're better than everyone else" but why can't you just be yourself? many people are to worried about trying to be different, instead of just doing it. I used to care and let other people's opinions affect how i dress and act, but once I got in the mind set of as long as I like it, no one Else's opinion matters, & once I started worrying about myself and nobody else i realized how easy life really is. :)