yellow wallpaper

So today in class we learned about a story called "The yellow wallpaper" I think that's what it's called but anyway, the story was about this couple that moved into a house together, the husband thinks his wife is "sick" so he locks her up in this room away from everyone including their baby, and she starts to obsess about the wallpaper, saying she see's a women or women and the only way to free herself is by ripping the wallpaper off of the wall, by the end of the story it is suggested that either a) she hung herself and when her husband discovered her he fainted and her spirit floated over him constantly or b) he discovered her ripping the wallpaper off of the wall, fainted and she stepped over him repeatedly still ripping the paper off the wall. Either way the story ended with a type of cliffhanger not really giving the reader any extra info just kind of letting the imagination run wild, although stories like this are easy to talk about in class or write an essay giving different ending ideas, I would have liked to know what the story really was about.

first week

So I completed my first year of college and surprisingly i'm back for another. I say surprisingly because I didn't think i'd be coming back I still feel negatively about school and if I were told I had to encourage kids to want to come I would probably either tell them to find a job and work the rest of their life or just don't go but i'm slowly learning how to tolerate it and level out my hate and try to at least like it a little. This semester and hopefully the one after will fly by so I can transfer to a four year, and probably hate that too. I'm just ready to get these first two years out of the way so I can get through all the boring stuff and get to the main reason why i'm in school, it's so many things I want to major in I really don't know where to start, like fashion, and sometimes culinary arts, but mainly sociology none of them have anything to do with the other but i'm weird like that so oh well.

Beyond class

a couple of weeks ago i went to see the movie "Best mans holiday", The movie was a sequel to the original movie "The best man" about a group of friends spending christmas together, things quickly go from fun to hectic when one of the friends reveals that she has cancer, and probably won't live very long. The movie was filled with alot of happy & sad moments but the message was clear, enjoy life and live for today because tomorrow is definalty not promised, and also value those that are close to you because you never know when youre going to need someone to be there for you.

end of le semester.

 So it's the end of the semester and in one of my classes we had to do basically a self-evaluation essay, and for that class I gave myself a 5 but if I had to rate myself based off of how I did in all my classes I'd say a 3. Last semester I didn't do to good and almost lost my financial aid and I promised myself that this semester would be different, and it was in a way I did worst this time around. In the beginning I was so ready and determined do to great things, and then when I felt that it wasn't paying off, I kind of gave up having an "it is what it is" type attitude and that most likely made everything worst. I hate school with a passion and me saying that probably won't make anything better but it's the truth, I come to school with the same thoughts everyday that this just isn't for me, and the only reason I'm here is to make everyone else happy, and keep them off my back, but it just seems like it's getting harder and harder to deal and I don't even know what to do. I guess ill just have to make the same promise I made to myself at the end of last semester that next semester will be different, even though I have the same feeling inside that it won't.

-__-

Why is it that the entire male race is so......how do I put this lightly, not smart. I went out this weekend with a guy at first he seemed so nice, the perfect gentleman at first, we went to the movies and it was good but then when it came time for us to leave & find something else to do he suggested we just hang out for a little while, being that he paid for us both to see the movie, I figured the least I could do was hang out with him. So we go back to his grandparents house and we're watching tv, and he begins to be all over me trying to cuddle and kiss me and I really wasn't interested and I thought I was making it very clear by moving away from him, being in my phone, looking away, and he just didn't get the picture so after psychically pushing him away telling him no a couple of times, he finally moved. But the reason why I was so uncomfortable, was the fact that first we made it clear from the beginning we we're just friends, and if you can see that i'm not really interested in or on the same page as you, I shouldn't have to keep explaining or telling you no. I don't think i'll be going on any dates anytime soon, someone needs to help these "little boys" get their mind right when it comes to us women because they're not making it.

Music

when life starts to get a little hectic, bad things start happening you start stressing all the time, i'm sure there is at least one thing that puts your mind at rest, and help you get through whatever it is that you're going through, mine is music. I love music with a passion, it's always been there, for me it's kind of like that one person that no matter how you feel towards them, or people in general they will always makes things better. NO matter if i'm angry, sad, nervous, whatever music will always set my mind ease, i'll forget about all problems while the music is playing, nothing can compare to how music makes feel. it's gotten me through some pretty tough times when I honestly had no idea how I was going to make it through the next day.. sorry for my early morning rant about music this is only slightly it I just have to go to class now, lol k bye.

I don't really have specific topic this week, so i'm just going to rant. I have terrible luck, with everything. Everything that can go bad, does, and i'm always surrounded by people telling me "Oh you should be positive", or " think about all the positive things in life" but if there aren't anything but negative things going on.........what am I really supposed to go off? It's really hard to find a happy place these days, when you have no idea where to look. I guess i'm just looking for a way to be prosperous....I wish I had an a book of instructions for life.