Beyond class

a couple of weeks ago i went to see the movie "Best mans holiday", The movie was a sequel to the original movie "The best man" about a group of friends spending christmas together, things quickly go from fun to hectic when one of the friends reveals that she has cancer, and probably won't live very long. The movie was filled with alot of happy & sad moments but the message was clear, enjoy life and live for today because tomorrow is definalty not promised, and also value those that are close to you because you never know when youre going to need someone to be there for you.

end of le semester.

 So it's the end of the semester and in one of my classes we had to do basically a self-evaluation essay, and for that class I gave myself a 5 but if I had to rate myself based off of how I did in all my classes I'd say a 3. Last semester I didn't do to good and almost lost my financial aid and I promised myself that this semester would be different, and it was in a way I did worst this time around. In the beginning I was so ready and determined do to great things, and then when I felt that it wasn't paying off, I kind of gave up having an "it is what it is" type attitude and that most likely made everything worst. I hate school with a passion and me saying that probably won't make anything better but it's the truth, I come to school with the same thoughts everyday that this just isn't for me, and the only reason I'm here is to make everyone else happy, and keep them off my back, but it just seems like it's getting harder and harder to deal and I don't even know what to do. I guess ill just have to make the same promise I made to myself at the end of last semester that next semester will be different, even though I have the same feeling inside that it won't.

-__-

Why is it that the entire male race is so......how do I put this lightly, not smart. I went out this weekend with a guy at first he seemed so nice, the perfect gentleman at first, we went to the movies and it was good but then when it came time for us to leave & find something else to do he suggested we just hang out for a little while, being that he paid for us both to see the movie, I figured the least I could do was hang out with him. So we go back to his grandparents house and we're watching tv, and he begins to be all over me trying to cuddle and kiss me and I really wasn't interested and I thought I was making it very clear by moving away from him, being in my phone, looking away, and he just didn't get the picture so after psychically pushing him away telling him no a couple of times, he finally moved. But the reason why I was so uncomfortable, was the fact that first we made it clear from the beginning we we're just friends, and if you can see that i'm not really interested in or on the same page as you, I shouldn't have to keep explaining or telling you no. I don't think i'll be going on any dates anytime soon, someone needs to help these "little boys" get their mind right when it comes to us women because they're not making it.

Music

when life starts to get a little hectic, bad things start happening you start stressing all the time, i'm sure there is at least one thing that puts your mind at rest, and help you get through whatever it is that you're going through, mine is music. I love music with a passion, it's always been there, for me it's kind of like that one person that no matter how you feel towards them, or people in general they will always makes things better. NO matter if i'm angry, sad, nervous, whatever music will always set my mind ease, i'll forget about all problems while the music is playing, nothing can compare to how music makes feel. it's gotten me through some pretty tough times when I honestly had no idea how I was going to make it through the next day.. sorry for my early morning rant about music this is only slightly it I just have to go to class now, lol k bye.

I don't really have specific topic this week, so i'm just going to rant. I have terrible luck, with everything. Everything that can go bad, does, and i'm always surrounded by people telling me "Oh you should be positive", or " think about all the positive things in life" but if there aren't anything but negative things going on.........what am I really supposed to go off? It's really hard to find a happy place these days, when you have no idea where to look. I guess i'm just looking for a way to be prosperous....I wish I had an a book of instructions for life.

Abuse, and stepchildren.

This past week there was this Football player who lost his son due to psychical abuse by his ex-girlfriends boyfriend let that sink in......
and I cant help but think first off, why would the boyfriend have any type of authority to put his hands on this man child in the first place? I feel like if you're not the mother, or father the only people that should be able to discipline your child psychically should be the immediate family and no one else. Another question I still have no answer for is, who would want to beat a child to death? it's hard to imagine this being an accident because the little boy was two, what could he have done to deserve such beating even if it was just a simple "whoppin" gone wrong. The man responsible for the death of the child will most likely go to jail and deserve any type punishment he receives, but the man who's child was killed will never get him back, jail is terrible no doubt about it, but I don't feel like in this case it's enough, killing a child if not proven to be an accident should be punished with automatic death, children don't ask to be here, as well as ask to be taken away and to think there are people out here sick enough to want to harm them, blows my mind. The mother should receive some type of consequence as well for letting this man around the child, unless both parents knew and were comfortable with this man, the child should have never been left alone with him in the first place.

Gender stereotypes

it always bothers me when people compare male's and female's because usually the male has the upper hand and is usually made out to be the better person when really there the cause of any type of drama that transpires. like a women will stick with a guy through so much take care of him, cater to him, put up with him even when she isn't happy, and leave him when he cheats with other women, and he will still be "the man". Where as a man will stick around, treat a girl like she's an option, and then as soon as she makes one mistake, like show some time to someone else he leaves her, and she's labeled a "hoe" and all types of other disrespectful things. I dont understand why things are different just because the gender changes, the stipulations should apply to everyone no matter the circumstances.

Love.

does real love exist? is there really someone for everyone? most people when you ask them about love, they'll tell you that you'll just know you'll feel it, but most of the time when you think it's love its just lust, youll be infatuated with the person for some time but eventually the feelings will change, you'll lose interest or whatever the person is offering might not interest you anymore. That can't be love because love is forever right? at least that's what people who get married think, but divorce rates say otherwise now a days so who knows. Im beginning to think its just a figment of our imagination, like the only people who will tell you they love you and actually mean it will be family members, and half the time not even them. I think instead of people telling each other "I love you" they should just say "I lust you" so that way no one get's their hopes up and believes that theres something there when in reality it probably isn't. Excuse my late afternoon ventation i just needed to clear my mind :)

i've always wondered why people in relationships cheat, and when they do cheat try to have a legitmate excuse as to why they did it. Like they'll be in the relationship but as soon as something happens that they're not cool or comfortable with, they go outside of the relationship & deal with someone else, like the excuse they use will some how change the fact or make it a little less bearable. At the end of the day if your're not comfortable then you can 1) let the other person know that your unhappy or 2) if it's that bad you can leave the situation all together, cheating to me is never justifiable. I do believe in 2nd chances but something like that to me is just not something you can just brush off or kick under the rug.

Embrace My individuality.

I was often under the impression that we lived in new times, the 20th century the "creative period" but I'm often discouraged by the looks and words of those that are so called so open to originality. As soon as someone See's that you're doing something different, and staying in your own lane the judgement begins. 'You're stuck up", "You think you're better than everyone else" but why can't you just be yourself? many people are to worried about trying to be different, instead of just doing it. I used to care and let other people's opinions affect how i dress and act, but once I got in the mind set of as long as I like it, no one Else's opinion matters, & once I started worrying about myself and nobody else i realized how easy life really is. :)